Hoped Everyone Had a Great Christmas! Now for those after holiday sales!

It has been a year and few dozen months since I was with my ex-girlfriend Shiloh. Who I dated for seven months before I met my wonderful Becky! I was listening to song that friend suggested to me by Five Finger Death Punch called Hate Me and it reminded me of her and how I felt. This song is the is most brutal piece of music I've heard in a long time well besides anything Dethkolk makes. Anyway this song is so badass and I was thinking of how Shiloh cheated on me with several guys from our school and online which she loved to have cypersex with...But, of course I found this out by her closest friends which one was a good friend of mine and broke the truth to me. She shattered my heart, I really thought I loved her, I did everything I could to be with her, to see her, to touch her, but she didn't care for me, or for what I did with her, or how I loved her. Terrible time in my life, one day two months before I met Becky, I almost lost my life because of I couldn't let go of Shiloh and all the promises broken, all the pain I lost myself and suicide was the path to solve it all. It failed of course.

Yet, this song Hate also shares how I felt, the anger mostly, the anger, Oh god.., man I'm sorry but most people know me a peaceful, laid back, gentle person, I am, but when I am pissed off or my mind is clouded with negaitive emotions I'm a lose fucking cannon. And this song captures that! Anyway this song is a badass kickass motherfucking AWESOME piece of music!

"It's not enough, It's not enough, It will never was or will be, I've never had the chance to say FUCK YOU!!" Best damn lyrics ever from the song!

Anyway I just wanted to share that!!! GOODNIGHT!!!!ANd HAVE A WONDERFUL XMAS!

This is a love letter I wrote to Becky my wonderful girlfriend. This is how I feel for her, but yet even these words can't explain my love for her.



Becky in this full year and one month we have been together we have shared so many exhilarating moments and horrible tragical arguments and events that we wish were never true. Its exciting to remember how we met, two strangers who never knew each other until fate perhaps showed me you for that first time in the late morning/noon on Saturday.And then again on that cold Monday night, how your eyes captured me and all I wanted to do was kiss those soft lips smiling at me. It took a lot to keep me from kissing you. It is true I fell straight into love with you just that first time, oh how Shakespeare's plays and sonnets told the truth about falling in love by the first glance!

Unforgivably and unfortunate I was still a young man who was immature and tormented by a past lover who had betrayed my heart and shattered me from the inside out. Within maybe our Seventh or ninth month problems and arguments happened, I lost trust with your friends, I almost lost your love and trust altogether. I was stupid, selfish, and yet I still show those traits and I can't explain it but I've learned from them I try. I cannot lose you, and if I do I will blame myself and die away from the world, become a beggar in the streets to ensure a slow and painful death on the outside for I would be dead in the inside, my heart broken glass. I have hurt you so many times, so many stupid times I have hurt you, oh the agony of regret and guilt strangle me as I write this.

But, Becky you still love me, you resist others by how I will not ever know, you are so beautiful, so intelligent, mature, hilarious, talented beyond anything I could ever be or do in life. You have a good heart, a good mind, a good soul. You are one of the lucky ones who just might become an angel, yet, I think you are angel, your face glows as the sun reflects your angelic face shining your beautiful blue eyes, completely overtaking my senses and wanting to kiss you, be with you until the end of time for I know I can never be or ever will be as beautiful as you, or as good as you are. You, Becky, my cherie, my lovely angel whom loves me with all her heart, that strong beating heart that knows pain, grief, hurt, love, hope, faith, and happiness. I will go above and beyond to make you feel Happy, to make you feel loved, to make you feel hope when those fade away. I will love you and I love you forever mo matter what our future may hold for us.

I want to marry you, I want to shove wedding cake in your face, watch you smile, laugh, and cry in joy. I want to experience those things with you, to see you in a lovely wedding dress coming towards me, I want to see your bright smile that illuminates a whole room. Oh how I want to say I do to you waiting for that same respond and finally being able to kiss you, kiss you with a passion that even in our best sex could not convoy, the bliss you will know once you touch from my lips, a passionate kiss that comes from a internal joy of pure love for you. I want to have kids with you! Yes, I want to make healthy, active, wonderful children with you. To see them boy or girl just to see the beauty they received from their wonderful amazing mother. How I can see them with your eyes, your smile, your adoring smooth hair. How I want enjoy every bit of raising them with you, the good and the bad. I want to grow old and die with you. I want to be with you until the end of our days, I want to continue our love into the next life with our youth back, but I know no matter how old you get you'll always remain beautiful like the summer sea of The Mediterranean lush with thick blue that never ages.

You might be wondering why I am writing these things? Well it is because I love you, and I can express how I truly feel for you and how I want to share my future with you. I know my actions will tell you but I screw up at times and make mistakes but it takes words I say from my heart, from my soul that I know with every fiber in me is true. All I say is truth. I love you Rebecca Leeann Sharp. I love you and I will always love you, just like I did when I first saw you at McDonald's entranced with your beauty then, and still is. Now my wonderful angel of love I want you to sleep with the sweetest of dreams, that dreams that are for the good kind hearted people like you. My love, My Becky, my cheire, I love you with all my heart that I do.

As I sit here and type this I am expressing some thoughts as any one would when they begin to type what they think or feel. I am about to type about how life no matter what struggles we face, no matter how bad and intense the pain we feel inside gets, no matter how horrifying the truth is, we can confide in our thoughts and the sympathy we receive when someone you know or trust or even the stranger who knows the very same hurt and pain that we feel. Just knowing that someone else has been where you are is relief and the most powerful friendships are born from that. And if your religious confiding in God and praying will gladly help you just as the stranger who has the compassion to relate and help you in the most difficult of times. Sometimes it feels like it never gets easier but when confide in God or someone who has been through the same crap we can feel relief and life will change for us in good ways and but though the tragedy's we have faced will always be in our memories but the people who have helped us get pass those dark times in life will always be cherished as well.

No matter what background you came from, no matter what skin color you are, no matter if your rich or poor, no matter what beliefs you have, we all share tragic times, we all share the power to reach out and save someone who is feeling the blues of tragedy. We are humans we share the same DNA, the same color blood,but are complex and filled with our own personality's,but no matter how different or same, we can love, we can help, we can reach out and comfort others in times of great need. That is what makes a good person no matter how intelligent, or how dumb we can support and relate to one another. I know some people right now are going through horrible times in their lives and I've been through some of those tragic times myself. I can only do is reach out and wear my heart on my sleeve and show compassion and love, no matter how different they are from me, no matter who they are, My heart, my soul, and my mind are telling me to reach out.

If you know someone or see someone who are having problems, reach out and talk to them, tell them about God, tell them about your tragic times, tell them that you truly care for them, even if you don't know who they are we should care for our fellow men and women no matter if we don't see eye to eye we should care for them regardless and show love, compassion. So I ask of anyone reads this to reach out to someone.

Haha, today their was a FBLA luncheon and so we had to dress up in our finest clothes and suits. I love wearing a suit, I think every guy should at least own one suit. It makes a person look so professional and its just great to wear no matter what event. (This is my opinion.) I met some really cool people at the luncheon, overall it was great.

Tonight my amazing lover Becky whom we all know is perfect (well in my eyes she is!) is having her Jazz band concert tonight, I'm hoping that I will make it tonight because it was phenomenal the first time I've seen them play. She is great musician by nature playing anything she can get a hold of. That to me makes her unique and wonderful, I mean I can play the guitar but thats taking me years. She really does amaze me. And I love her for who she is, Becky can make anyone laugh, her sense of humor is wild and outrageous. I will admit when shes pissed, she'll let you know it, but even when she is mad at me and when things are said which no one likes and both our feelings are hurt. We work our stupid issues out and we grow from each other, I have become better thanks to her. She is just a one of kind person and I love her and miss her each and every day. I can't wait to live with her next year. Things will be great even when we struggle, we will always be happy no matter what.

I do have a life, I am inspired to leave this reality and write my emotions or worlds which humans can only dream about. I have the most amazing girlfriend in which I do plan on marrying one day, our love is something no one could ever possibly understand or experience, I honestly believe in my heart and soul that God that majestic being of all life in this vast Universe paired me and Becky and that is why I believe she is my soul mate. I have a gift to write which I believe was passed down from Great Grandmother to me (godbless her soul) I will fight to my last breath for anything that I know is right, I am filled with Sympathy, and human compassion, and yes even my anger but I have accepted it and in doing so has set me free from it. I don't regret as often only when I know I've truly hurt my close love ones.And I am intelligent and I know I have a inner passion to learn anything in this world. I will not bow to any one who will tarnish and subject me as being a cruel horrible person, I will not plea and beg for their forgiveness when they treat me with cruelty and disrespect. I will simply move on and go on and live in happiness and love and enjoy it all with Becky.

I feel so liberated now, my thoughts my emotions, I feel liberated.